So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
