I just made out with a guy for $7.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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