I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
