why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This is the high leading the old right now
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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