she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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