I smell stomach acid.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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