I met the friendliest cop last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
