I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
