wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
