how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
