And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
