i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
