can we get nightvision for the apartment?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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