I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
