they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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