i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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