threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
