Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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