I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i came on her dog
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
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