he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize