Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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