if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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