every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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