I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize