How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
