apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
