Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
