I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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