im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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