on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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