i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
