i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
