Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
