I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
