Im at strip club and am horny
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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