Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do vagina's smell?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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