it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
