Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
