Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
