some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
