so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
