we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
