just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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