OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
