someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
