holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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