I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
