My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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