I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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