you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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