There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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