I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
