I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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