Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
