4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
