I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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