On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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