i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
