just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
