I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.