I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.