He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.