It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize