We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
