Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
