Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
