You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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