If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
