i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
