The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
